All Along I Thought I Knew You, But It Didn't Feel Quite Right…

“All Along I thought I knew you, 

but it didn’t feel quite right.

Anybody in the world could see,

it wasn’t meant to be.

Fake a smile and only guarantee,

that nobody knows the difference.

And I’ll just keep on going down like this,

if I can’t have you.”

"All Along"- Crash Kings

  

It was the third week into the breakup. Whether it was a false confidence or not, I was feeling great. I spent the weekend with my family, ran into my ex, took one look at him and realized I missed my old Jeep more than him. I was ready to tackle my new single life by the balls.

Okay. Total lie. I ran into him and missed him JUST a bit. But as I assumed it was stress that had made him break-out badly, I knew he was trying to ignore the new-found awesomeness radiating from Yours Truly. So, that was validating.

That week, I decided that nothing was to hold me back. I made sure I followed the rules of getting over a breakup and made myself busy. Every night. 

Every day, after an intense session at the gym (where I could happily make eye-contact with my favourite Juice-heads), I did something different. My partner-in-crime Amanda had a huge influence in helping me embrace my inner single-chick. (Don’t worry, Mel, you’re coming up soon!)

On that Monday night, I accidentally found out that the Crash Kings, a band I had previously enjoyed, had come out with a new album and was playing a small club show in Toronto.  So, I downloaded their new album and bought tickets to go! Amanda, the perpetual boy-band groupie, was going to come with me. And pay for her ticket.

Holy shit. She was going to pay for her half. This was the first time in YEARS that I only had to pay for myself. It was elating.

Before I picked her up, I went to grab cash at the ATM. As I proceeded to put the cash in my wallet, I discovered that I already had $30 in there.

Oh. My. God.

I still had money left over from the previous week. I can’t remember the last time that happened. I was always the one opening my wallet because I felt guilty that my ex would pay for stuff on a VERY limited budget. And he got used to it. The poor guy did try, but it was more often than not that I was picking up the tab.

We drove downtown, shared (SHARED!) a small pizza from a local pub, had a beer, and proceeded to the club. After the bouncer finished hitting on us, we headed inside. The Standstills, a local band from Oshawa I knew about, were opening up for Crash Kings. We grabbed a couple of Heineken’s and put ourselves right up at the front of the stage. After their set, we met the band, congratulated them on a job well done, shot the shit, grabbed a smoke outside, got picked up by a group of 23 year-olds (see, I can do it, too!), and again, took our place at centre stage.

What a show! Although I had only downloaded the album that day, I knew it pretty well. And when the Beliveau brothers started belting out “All Along”, I closed my eyes and just absorbed the atmosphere in the midst of a ton of sweaty bodies. Ahhh, how I missed that.

When I went to concerts with my ex, we usually ended up in the back of the crowd somewhere. Besides the fact that I’m a mere 5’1”, I guess we felt like we were too old for the crowd thing. In hindsight, it was probably because I really couldn’t enjoy a show when the person who came with me just stood there and didn’t seem like he was enjoying himself.

Amanda and I had beers and shots bought for us throughout the night. This was kinda nice. I wasn’t really used to it. And besides the $15 spent on dinner, and another $15 spent on the ticket, I really didn’t have to open up my wallet.

I was totally becoming fabulously single. I was getting my groove back.

MUSIC: “Dark Of The Daylight” album by Crash Kings, “Awesome” by Veruca Salt, “The Love Club EP” by Lorde

MOOD: Happy, relaxed, excited, optimistic