Break All Those Chains, That Keep You Tethered, That Keep You Safe…

Big Wreck at the CNE. August 2013

"Well is that one night

Going off the grid

I never said you didn't

I never said you did

And all of my favourite stories are about you

Bleed out your heart

If it's still beating for someone else

Break all those chains

That keep you tethered, that keep you safe"

                                   "Wolves"- Big Wreck

Remember how I mentioned all the “firsts” you have to endure after a breakup? And how important it is to reclaim the things you and your ex used to do together as your own? I was on a mission to accomplish both of those this week.

Big Wreck is a local Toronto-based band that I always liked but never followed in their late nineties heyday. My ex re-introduced them to me a little after we started dating, by making me listen to their full albums. I became a huge fan. After the breakup of Big Wreck, lead singer Ian Thornley began a new musical project, aptly titled, “Thornley”. They were probably a little grittier than Big Wreck, but just as melodically pleasing. We must have seen them together at least 50 times, in different venues all over southern Ontario. In 2012, Thornley disbanded and Big Wreck reunited. Again, we saw them a lot. I considered Big Wreck/Thornley “our” band.

So, we fast forward to August 28, 2013. Big Wreck was playing a show at the CNE, and I wanted to go. Or did I? This was a major test for me. I didn’t want to drag one of my friends to see them, and the only one of my pals who would have enjoyed the show with me, Lia, was in Vancouver.

Shit. I really wanted to see them. But I was doing so well at getting over all this bullshit that I didn’t want to be reminded of the great shows we saw as a couple. I loved seeing Big Wreck, mostly because I got to spend time with my ex. Those were some good times. But it was all over now.

In a recent run-in with my ex, I asked him if he was going via casual conversation.

“I don’t know. I don’t have my schedule yet”

“Oh, that’s too bad. I’m going. By myself.”

Dumb comment, Ven. WTF were you thinking? During this conversation, he was still clearly pissed. He gave me a look that said “You’re a loser. I didn’t ask. And I don’t care.”

So I went anyways. Alone! I half-expected to see him there, probably with his cousins. Or worse yet, his new “friend”. I did a half-ass assessment of the crowd, but didn’t see him. Thank God.

I ran into some old friends that I met in the Thornley days, and caught up a bit. They were engaged when we had met them, gotten married, had an adorable baby girl, then unfortunately split. They had their fair share of relationship issues, and knew what was going on with me. But they seemed to put their differences aside and remain good friends for the sake of their daughter, and were both there for their little girl’s first Big Wreck show. That was such a beautiful sight to behold.

Big Wreck roared onto the stage, as always. I felt a little weird standing there by myself, but as I stood there, I remembered why I loved Big Wreck so much. Even though my ex wasn’t there, I enjoyed them as much as I had any other time before that. It was the music! It didn’t matter who I was with, I was able to belt out song after song regardless. And I was having the time of my life! There were no frequent bathroom breaks (my ex seemed to have the bladder of a pregnant woman), no complaining, no whining…nothing! And with that revelation, I welcomed the intuitive glances of the hot guy beside me (“Is she single? Is she with the band?”), and took in one of the best shows I’ve ever seen…right to the end, when they performed their solid cover of Tears For Fears “Shout”.

And that concluded the show. I walked back to my car totally elated. I did it. Big Wreck is now MY band, and I get to expose them to my next, well-deserving suitor.

MUSIC: “Albatross”, “The Pleasure & The Greed”, “In Loving Memory Of…” by Big Wreck

MOOD: Nervous, Happy, Proud, Confident