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| Le Scandinave Spa, where I treated myself to a much deserved massage. September 2013 |
"I'm kind of surprised I don't feel so bad
When I think about the kind of week I've had
I look at things in a positive way
It's the brand new me as of the other day
And I walk, with the air beneath my feet
When I think about the kind of week I've had
I look at things in a positive way
It's the brand new me as of the other day
And I walk, with the air beneath my feet
It is so much harder to float around
Than it is to hit the ground
I've got to breakthrough
Just let me breakthrough"
Than it is to hit the ground
I've got to breakthrough
Just let me breakthrough"
"Breakthrough"- Big Wreck
Labour Day long weekend. This was the weekend my ex and I usually escaped to a camping trip by ourselves. Even though we didn't go last year, a part of me still felt that sweet nostalgia. I remember getting to the campsite one year after dark. We were trying to set up our tent in the headlights of the car, and fought the entire time. It was hilarious, actually. In the end, we still ended up wrapped in our sleeping bags and each others' arms, forgetting the recent disagreements.
So, I had to keep busy. I wanted to spend one last long weekend at the cottage before the real end of summer came (usually two weeks after the long weekend up north). I was in need of a peaceful, relaxing few days without anything going on. I was emotionally exhausted from the last few weeks (and some recent texts from my ex), and physically exhausted from pushing myself in the gym and the lack of sleep lately. Even though I was a little nervous going into the weekend with nothing planned, I needed to stop and let myself feel for a little bit.
I still felt a little emotional when I spent time at the cottage alone because I spent so many weekends there with him. In fact, the first time I was up there after we split, I had trouble sleeping in my bed. I usually had a big, burly guy beside (who always took all the blankets!) and I was able to fall asleep soundly. Sleeping in that bed alone brought back fond memories of waking up beside him, refreshed. Most of the time, we just lay there and relaxed for an hour before getting up. I had to sleep with a pillow in the days after.
So, I went on a little shopping outing, just so I could get myself out of the cottage.
Funny thing happened while I was out. I walked out of a store and was met with glances from a small group of guys about 22-24 years old.
One of them shouted behind me. "Hey! You're hot! Wanna come to a house party?"
At first I thought they were talking to someone else. Then, I stopped and turned around. These frat boys were all staring back at me. I was dying of laughter inside.
"Awww, guys, thanks for the invite....but my house party days are over."
God, I felt old at that moment. But the fact that they legitimately thought I was the same age as them was comforting!
I got in the car and drove away, feeling a little cocky at the fact that I was mistaken for some 23 year old college kid.
That weekend I did a lot of reading and writing. I added to this blog and I began my book. I also got a lot of emotions down on paper, just so I could get them out of my head, along with a nasty, unsendable letter to my ex. By Sunday, I had completed an outline, 3 chapters, began 4 chapters of my new book on heartbreak and moving on. In all the years sacrificing my creativity supporting my ex, I finally had some content that I could turn into a creative endeavour...and he had to dump me in order for me to finally express it.
I never put my exercise routine on hold at all for the entire weekend. I continued to get out and run. Running was my release, my escape. And I was quickly getting my stamina back. At this rate, I'll be able to run a 5K in 25 minutes by the Spring! Physical activity was probably a saving grace for me throughout all this horseshit. It released brain chemicals that made things easier to deal with, in turn boosting my mood and outlook on life. Sure, I thought about him a lot during the weekend, but it was more pensive thinking than pining.
On the holiday Monday, I booked a massage at a Le Scandinave, a local spa in Blue Mountain. My ex and I had planned on coming to this spa several times, but it just never panned out. Probably because we were too busy doing the things he wanted to do. I enjoyed the hot springs/cold baths first and had a (very) short stay in the Eucalyptus steam room. Then I settled into one of the cedar benches in one of the relaxation room, and read my new book "The Mindfulness Solution". Then I went for my massage. It was fabulous.
My drive home was a little different this time. I felt anxious and nervous, and started missing him again. I had no idea why. I guess I've hit that point in the recovery process where you begin to feel all those emotions over again. Apparently it's normal to start going through the steps of grief again. I just couldn't shake it. I tried so hard to live in the moment. I called a good friend up who had been away for most of the month, and told her the whole ordeal from where we last left off. After venting again, I felt the frustration subside. My friends have provided for very good sounding boards and I appreciated that. We made plans to get out this weekend...some well needed girl time.
"This is your chance to really discover who you are," Lia had said. "It's time to have a 'different' kind of fun."
MUSIC: "I Love You" by The Neighbourhood, "Love Me Again" by John Newman, "If You Leave" by Daughter, "Breakthrough" by Big Wreck
MOOD: Happy, Sad, Frustrated, Nostalgic, Renewed
So, I had to keep busy. I wanted to spend one last long weekend at the cottage before the real end of summer came (usually two weeks after the long weekend up north). I was in need of a peaceful, relaxing few days without anything going on. I was emotionally exhausted from the last few weeks (and some recent texts from my ex), and physically exhausted from pushing myself in the gym and the lack of sleep lately. Even though I was a little nervous going into the weekend with nothing planned, I needed to stop and let myself feel for a little bit.
I still felt a little emotional when I spent time at the cottage alone because I spent so many weekends there with him. In fact, the first time I was up there after we split, I had trouble sleeping in my bed. I usually had a big, burly guy beside (who always took all the blankets!) and I was able to fall asleep soundly. Sleeping in that bed alone brought back fond memories of waking up beside him, refreshed. Most of the time, we just lay there and relaxed for an hour before getting up. I had to sleep with a pillow in the days after.
So, I went on a little shopping outing, just so I could get myself out of the cottage.
Funny thing happened while I was out. I walked out of a store and was met with glances from a small group of guys about 22-24 years old.
One of them shouted behind me. "Hey! You're hot! Wanna come to a house party?"
At first I thought they were talking to someone else. Then, I stopped and turned around. These frat boys were all staring back at me. I was dying of laughter inside.
"Awww, guys, thanks for the invite....but my house party days are over."
God, I felt old at that moment. But the fact that they legitimately thought I was the same age as them was comforting!
I got in the car and drove away, feeling a little cocky at the fact that I was mistaken for some 23 year old college kid.
That weekend I did a lot of reading and writing. I added to this blog and I began my book. I also got a lot of emotions down on paper, just so I could get them out of my head, along with a nasty, unsendable letter to my ex. By Sunday, I had completed an outline, 3 chapters, began 4 chapters of my new book on heartbreak and moving on. In all the years sacrificing my creativity supporting my ex, I finally had some content that I could turn into a creative endeavour...and he had to dump me in order for me to finally express it.
I never put my exercise routine on hold at all for the entire weekend. I continued to get out and run. Running was my release, my escape. And I was quickly getting my stamina back. At this rate, I'll be able to run a 5K in 25 minutes by the Spring! Physical activity was probably a saving grace for me throughout all this horseshit. It released brain chemicals that made things easier to deal with, in turn boosting my mood and outlook on life. Sure, I thought about him a lot during the weekend, but it was more pensive thinking than pining.
On the holiday Monday, I booked a massage at a Le Scandinave, a local spa in Blue Mountain. My ex and I had planned on coming to this spa several times, but it just never panned out. Probably because we were too busy doing the things he wanted to do. I enjoyed the hot springs/cold baths first and had a (very) short stay in the Eucalyptus steam room. Then I settled into one of the cedar benches in one of the relaxation room, and read my new book "The Mindfulness Solution". Then I went for my massage. It was fabulous.
My drive home was a little different this time. I felt anxious and nervous, and started missing him again. I had no idea why. I guess I've hit that point in the recovery process where you begin to feel all those emotions over again. Apparently it's normal to start going through the steps of grief again. I just couldn't shake it. I tried so hard to live in the moment. I called a good friend up who had been away for most of the month, and told her the whole ordeal from where we last left off. After venting again, I felt the frustration subside. My friends have provided for very good sounding boards and I appreciated that. We made plans to get out this weekend...some well needed girl time.
"This is your chance to really discover who you are," Lia had said. "It's time to have a 'different' kind of fun."
MUSIC: "I Love You" by The Neighbourhood, "Love Me Again" by John Newman, "If You Leave" by Daughter, "Breakthrough" by Big Wreck
MOOD: Happy, Sad, Frustrated, Nostalgic, Renewed
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