The Psychotic-Stalking-Ex-Girlfriend

I became the person I hated (Okay, this clearly isn't me, but my sentiments exactly).

So, naturally, after the initial shock and disbelief, I convinced myself that there had to have been a reason other than the fact that he was "unhappy" that led to the demise of the union. And I thought I knew exactly what it was...or shall I say, "who".

Anger is a natural part of the grief process. And along with anger, comes jealousy. You automatically start thinking that things were going too well for them to crumble as quickly as that. To this day, I still don't think things were as bad as he had made it out to be. I think certain events leading up to the breakup had angered him so deeply that he felt this was his only choice.

So, what happens when anger and jealousy make their way into an already imbalanced psyche? You bet your ass I turned into the psycho-bitch-stalking ex. 

In respect to his privacy, I won't divulge too much information as to what I did, as I'm well aware that he's still keeping tabs on me (because I'm sexy, fabulous, and 15 lbs thinner). I am not proud of these things. At all. Quite ashamed, actually. And although I found out a lot of things that he'd be surprised that I know about, it didn't make me feel any better. I would have rather not found out about the things I did, as I would have been happier being ignorant to it all. 

At the end of the day, it really wasn't any of my business, and it didn't matter anymore. I guess I just wanted to be reassured that it was his unhappiness that resulted in our breakdown, and not because he had developed feelings for someone else who told him what he wanted to hear. It's a huge blow to the ego when you feel like you can't give your partner something they seek in someone else. Especially when you've put so much love, time, effort and money into the relationship. But then you need to think about how you're most likely not the problem and that people change, not necessarily for the better. But don't be ashamed. 99% of the people I spoke to all agreed they would have done the same thing. So don't beat yourself up over this temporary lapse in judgement, especially when you've remained strong for too many people for too long.

Besides, you're born with class, you can't buy it. Some men can handle that. Others can't, and need to downgrade ;)

MUSIC: Synthetica by Metric, The Trouble With Angels by Filter
MOOD: Fucking crazy!